A priest I know once said to me sadly, ‘These Polish children are so poor, so often unwanted’. As if to confirm this diagnosis, the next day I heard from my friend whom I hadn’t seen for a long time the following: ‘We have two children already, a boy and a girl, and I hope that’s gonna be it’.
And then I remembered the blessed Zelia Martin, the mother of St. Therese of the Child Jesus. She wrote in one of her letters to her sister-in-law that she loved her children madly and she’d been born to have them. And yet her motherhood brought her so much suffering. When she wrote those words, just before the birth of her youngest, ninth daughter – Therese, she had gone through many diseases and through the loss of her “four angels”, the children who died early. She felt a lot of pain because of the problems with one of her daughters, “the poor Leonia”. She knew better than anyone else that motherhood did not only mean joy. Still, she loved her children madly and wanted to have more. And what she desired most was that her children “be saint”, she wanted to bear them “for heaven”.
Why not take a look at our parenthood with the eyes of faith in the Year of Faith?
Basia
“Be always calm and trustful. Only a calm river can reflect the sky.”
Jesus*
* G. Bossis, On i ja, T. I, Michalineum 2007, p. 36
“Surely a child means for the parents additional toil, new accumulation of demands and costs. Hence the temptation not to give it a chance to come to being. The temptation which is very strong in some social and cultural environments. So isn’t the child a gift? Does it come only to take things away, not to give? . . .
A child in itself is a gift for the family. It is a gift for the parents and for the siblings. The gift of life becomes, at the same time, a gift for its donors.” (Blessed John Paul II, Letter to Families 11)
“Patience achieves everything.” (St Teresa of Avila)
“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses … For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12: 8-10)
Why did St Paul write that? Why did he “delight” in his weaknesses, why did he boast about them? He – a great saint?
“The more you experience your weakness, the more your trustfulness should grow” – maybe that’s the key to understanding St Paul? In that thought shared by a very young Carmelite sister, St Elisabeth of the Trinity?
It’s good to experience the victory over one’s weakness, overcome it with your willpower, and self-improvement. Saints could do that. We know St Paul was able to do it, too.
But it is also good to see in one’s own weakness – as he did – an ally, and not the enemy you must defeat at any cost. It’s good to stop relying just on oneself and place the whole hope in Him – that He will carry me in His arms, He will protect with His grace the weakest places in me, He will take in His hands whatever seems to overwhelm and terrify me. Then always, when I am “weak” – He will make me strong with the power of trust. Maybe that’s what my weakness is necessary for – to become allied with trust.
Basia
or a perfect parent:
Rembrandt, The Return of the Prodigal Son (fragment)
Two shades of irrevocable love:
Love which accepts unconditionally, tender, selfless, giving comfort- associated more with the love of a mother.
Love which requires, gives the impulse to reach out, firm, encouraging and equipping the other with confidence – associated more with the love of a father.
They need to go together, as one palm needs the other.
“Love cannot be learned, and at the same time – nothing is more learnable than love” (blessed John Paul II)
Each day is a new chance for our love to grow. How can I show it to my family today? With a good word, an encouraging look, things I wear, an act of selfless help, cheerful spirits, gentle voice, listening to them patiently or my honest work…?
Love can be expressed in so many ways! Which of them did I give up using? Which of them would I like to use more?
How good that love is not something “ready made”, as Karol Wojtyla wrote, because there is still a chance for a more beautiful “today” and “tomorrow.” Let’s take it.
Basia
or on the potential of love:
“Love is never something ready made, something merely ‘given’ to man and woman; it is at the same time a ‘task’ which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense never ‘is’ but is always only ‘becoming,’ and what it becomes depends upon the contribution of both persons and the depth of their commitment”. (K. Wojtyła*)
* Love and Responsibility, William Collins Sons & Co. Ltd. 1981, p.139
“There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.” (1 Corinthians 12:4-6)
I used to be think that the ideal of proximity consists in becoming “the same” – the kind of unity in which “the fewer differences, the better.”
I’ve come to understand, however, that I owe a lot to those who differ from me in their style of acting, thinking and feeling. Thanks to them I can widen my own (and often narrow) perspective, I can grow in open-mindedness and make my own world richer. And I can reach out all the time beyond my own self – in order to try to understand the other person and to respect them more in their otherness.
Becasue any difference shouldn’t turn us into battling sides, entrenched up to ears in our views. It’ll be so much more interesting if I treat the difference as the call for building unity – in the richness of variety.
Basia
“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the world”. (Matthew 28:20)
Let’s not be afraid He will be put off by our mess. Let’s allow Him to walk into our everyday life. Into all our relationships and issues. Only then will we experience, how close He is – and faithful “to the very end.”
Basia
